


Fear of Love

by King_Of_Trash



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Falling for the enemy, Fear, Fear of love, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I am making this a ship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Sex mentions but nothing actually happens, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Takes place during the beginning of the first season and then the middle of the second season, also an early present for a friend, chiro is the ship name, for rare pair week but I think I'm a bit late, it's Chitose what do you expect, rare pair week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9665414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_Of_Trash/pseuds/King_Of_Trash
Summary: After losing a fellow clansman, along with everything else that has been bothering him, Chitose reaches a low point in his life. Maybe Shiro can fix that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written much for K-Project in a while so I'm sorry if I'm a bit rusty. This also has so many headcanons of mine for Chitose so I enjoyed putting those in here.   
> I know Chitose x Shiro is probably a ship that is completely unheard of. It's a bit strange, but a friend of mine and I were making up crack ships one day and this was one of the many I feel in love with. I wrote this for K-Project rare pair week, but I think I may have been a bit too late so I'm sorry about that.   
> Speaking of that friend! Happy birthday Meg! I promised I'd write you something for your birthday! Although it is a bit early. I might try to write another Eric x Anna story here soon for ya.

Falling in love was not easy for Chitose. Not anymore. Not after he lost her. It was much too painful for him. He feared falling in love ever again. The slightest thought of falling in love terrified him. That very fear was the reason he became a womanizer. However, only Dewa ever knew that. 

He would find coping in alcohol and sex. However, at the end of it all he was always left with an empty feeling. A numb, empty feeling in his chest. He wanted something he refused to allow himself to have. He wanted something he could hold onto, something he could trust with sincerity. He wanted love, the love of another. However, he could never trust love again. Not after everything that happened. 

Losing someone you loved to an illness was horrible, especially to him. Many would consider him as someone who lacked much feeling when it came to such a thing as ‘love’, concern, worry. He rarely appeared to be worried, he was always rather laid back unless angered. However, he craved a love of some kind. HOMRA was considered ‘enough’ to almost every member, but to him that was not always the case. Despite his closeness with his clanmates, he could not help but feel as if something was missing. 

It was not long until Tatara Totsuka was taken from HOMRA. A place he could for once call home was now beginning to self destruct, and he could not handle it. Mikoto was locked up, everyone else was out searching and fighting. He should have been with them, but the stress was becoming too much for him. 

He drank more than he should have that night. Drinking himself until he passed out and never woke up again was always a hope for him when he got like this. Suicide was something he would constantly debate back and forth in his brain, but normally Dewa was there to stop him before he did anything stupid. 

Dewa was not with him that night, and he went to a different bar rather than HOMRA. He needed to get away from that place. He needed some kind of comfort when it came to everything that was going on around him. The first option of comfort on his mind was alcohol, and that alcohol would only worsen his suicidal thoughts. 

He did not crave sex that night, it was unusual, but it was not unheard of from him when he was drunk. All he wanted to do was wander, and possibly find a place to settle down for an eternal sleep. Sleep, that was all he wanted to do, yet his feet kept moving as he wandered pointlessly down the street. 

He took a random turn into an alleyway as his legs became wobbly. He tried his best not to fall while he was still on the main street. Just as he entered the alleyway, Chitose collapsed. 

He did not pass out much to his disappointment, but instead attempted to pull himself up and drag his body against the brick wall of a building. When he brought himself up to a sitting position, he allowed his body to rest a bit. 

The gust of wind was chilly on the December night, and Chitose was not properly dressed for the weather. As his body began to shiver, he felt tiny droplets of water begin to slowly land on him before the droplets began to increase in speed and intensity. He looked up at the sky, it was raining. 

A small smile tugged at his lips as he sat there, staring at the rain. This was the night. This was the night he would finally do it. He knew it would likely be harder on HOMRA to lose another member, but that was not something that bothered him much. 

He personally believed that all he was to them was an annoyance. He caused them too much trouble. The women would not miss him either. He was a womanizer, as well as a gang member. He was not at all a good person, and he knew it. 

His brown eyes closed as some sort of peace fell over him. He was going to die tonight, and he was perfectly fine with that. In fact, he encouraged it. He was beginning to already drift away into a comforting sleep. It was true, real comfort, a feeling he had since forgotten. 

“Excuse me, but shouldn’t you be looking for shelter?”

The unfamiliar voice disturbed Chitose’s fate. Confused, he opened up his foggy eyes and looked up at the other male. The boy in front of him looked strangely familiar, yet his drunken brain could not connect the dots as to where he recognized him from. 

The boy had light colored hair and held an umbrella over his head to prevent the rain from dampening his clothes and hair. He stared down at Chitose with a confused expression. Chitose was unable to make out any details, his vision was becoming blurry. 

“You look awful!” the other expressed. “Here, I’ll take you somewhere warm. Let me help you up.”

Chitose could feel his body begin to be lifted from the ground, however he could tell the other male was struggling under his weight. He would have helped, if he had enough willpower to do so. Currently, he could not do anything. 

In one way or another, the boy had successfully pulled Chitose’s limp body up. The other than pursued in making his way down the street in a specific direction. Chitose had no idea where this boy was taking him, however he could not care less.

“We might as well introduce ourselves to each other. I’m not sure if you can understand me right now, but my name is Yashiro Isana. You can call me Shiro for short,” the boy introduced. 

____________________________________

It was funny how things worked out. All of Chitose’s fears of love, his suicidal thoughts, everything came to an end in one night. Of course, the brunette was still extremely fearful of losing Yashiro Isana, and he still had negative thoughts of himself here and there. However, everything that had been keeping him down for so long was finally over. He could move on with life. 

When he found out that Shiro was an enemy, he became conflicted but chose HOMRA over his personal feelings. However, fate was on his side as everything was resolved. He lost another person important to him, Mikoto Suoh. However, he gained someone else important in his life, a love that could not be broken. 

Shiro was back after his disappearance, yet Chitose could not shake the fear of losing him once again. They were in the midst of another battle now, but this time he and Shiro were fighting on the same side. It was a relief to him, but his worry for Yashiro never ceased. 

“Are you feeling better?” Chitose looked up to the owner of the soft voice. Concern clouded the golden, round eyes as they checked over the sitting down male in front of them. Shiro was worried about him over such a small injury, it almost humored him. 

“Nah, I’m fine. There’s nothin’ to worry about. It was only a scratch,” Chitose waved off the other’s concern. 

“‘Only a scratch’? You could barely move! Yo, you need to be more careful,” Shiro sighed. “I worry about you and your reckless actions.”

“Speak for yourself,” the brunette joked back. 

“Yo-,” Shiro appeared to give up. He sat down next to Chitose, continuing to keep a watchful eye on the troublesome red clansman. 

“Look, I’m fine. There’s nothin’ to worry ‘bout,” he concluded as he laid a light kiss on Shiro’s head. “I’m feelin’ much better now. Thanks for your worry, but you should really stop that. I’ve been through much worse, y’know.”

Shiro nodded, “I know…” 

The red clansman laid his arm around the other’s shoulders. It took a moment, but Shiro finally allowed himself to lean against Chitose, careful not to apply too much pressure on the brunette. His injury may have been on the other side of his body, but he still feared that too much pressure could possibly hurt the taller male. 

“You don’t have much to worry about now. With these injuries I’m not gonna be allowed to fight. I doubt Anna would allow it,” Chitose laughed. 

“We don’t know what they are planning next, so I can’t be so sure,” Shiro replied grimly. 

“Since when were you so gloomy? Lighten up. I’m not gonna go anywhere,” the brunette reached with his free arm to grab the pack of cigarettes that sat on the small coffee table in front of them. At the motion, Shiro sighed. 

“I don’t know..,” he mumbled. 

Chitose stopped mid-act and sat back again. He looked at Shiro with a raised brow in suspicion. “What’s bothering ya?” he finally asked. 

Shiro did not answer. Chitose frowned. 

“You’re not responsible for any of this. You know that, right?” of course they had blamed Shiro for everything before, but that did not mean every single awful event that happened was his fault. In fact, the death of Totsuka, which was what they blamed him for heavily in the past, was not even his fault. Mikoto’s death was the red king’s own choice, everyone knew that now. It was then that Chitose finally realized what was up. “Are you blaming yourself for creating the slates?” he asked. 

There was still no response. Chitose sighed a bit as laid his head against the couch, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Y’know, if it weren’t for the slates, I doubt I would have been able to accept her death back then. If it weren’t for the slates, Dewa and I wouldn’t have had HOMRA. Those powers were what brought us together to be somethin’ similar to a family. HOMRA owes it to you,” he smiled a bit. He looked to the side at the white haired.

Shiro appeared to be still unsure, however the tension in his shoulders had eased a bit. Chitose grinned and leaned over to the shorter, placing a kiss on his cheek. The silver king’s expression appeared to be relieved. A slight smile made its way to his face, which made Chitose grin. 

“I am happy you think that way,” he finally answered after what felt to be forever to his brunette boyfriend. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Chitose turned slightly in Shiro’s direction, wrapping both of his arms around the other male. He was extremely gentle when it came to Shiro. It was surprising to the majority of the HOMRA clansmen due to his history of being a womanizer, but he expected as much. When it came to actual relationships, Chitose was always very gentle and respectful towards his partner. It was unexpected of him, but people who knew him well, such as Dewa, found the sudden change in his personality amusing. “Can I have a kiss now? You’ve been so gloomy,” he playfully teased. 

“I’ll think about it,” Shiro joked. “Try not to open up your injuries by moving around so much,” he suddenly warned.

The brunette rolled his eyes and buried his nose into the king’s neck. Shiro smiled and began to run his fingers through the red clansman’s messy hair. His mood had lifted, although he was still a bit tense. Chitose could sense, but decided not to push any further. Neither of them knew what Jungle was going to do next, so he did not blame Shiro for being a bit on edge. Although he knew it was for the others who would be fighting.

Shiro could not die. Chitose had been told that before, yet he still constantly worried about him when it came to the smaller male being put in danger. He could not help it. After losing so many people he deemed close to him, he could be a bit clingy and that especially applied to Shiro. Thankfully, the white haired king did not appear to mind. 

Chitose closed his brown eyes, keeping his face hidden in Shiro’s neck. He was becoming tired, which was unusual for him. His mind was beginning to drift as his breathing began to slow. His falling into unconsciousness. 

“Sleep well,” Shiro whispered quietly to the other. He laid a short kiss on Chitose’s head before continuing to run his fingers through his hair. He leaned against Chitose as well, his eyes also beginning to close. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone who dared to give this crack ship a chance enjoyed the story!   
> I hope you also loved it, Meg. I tried pretty hard on this story and it went through a lot of editing, but I still apologize for any mistakes.


End file.
